Episode 4
Paul Bocanegra, Sentenced to Life in Prison at 17-Years-Old. Reform Advocate; Restorative Practitioner
This episode is very different from any I’ve done to-date. We’ve met and talked to people who are great storytellers and who have remarkable personal backstories that have framed their strengths in storytelling. For this episode, we are meeting someone who has a very powerful, and at times difficult story.
Paul Bocanegra was condemned to Life Without Parole at the age of 17. Paul served twenty-five and a half years, more than twelve of those in solitary confinement, before being paroled under Senate Bill 9 which gave youth with Life Without Parole sentences an opportunity to petition the court for a second sentencing hearing. Paul transitioned back into the community in September 2017 and discharged parole in 2021 obtaining agency in his life for the first time.
Today, Paul is living his life to the fullest, advocating for more reforms that would ensure that the criminal justice system never deprives another youth of a fair and meaningful opportunity to work toward restoration.
Paul is a Certified Drug and Alcohol Counselor, a Juvenile Justice and Delinquency Prevention (JJDP) Commissioner for San Mateo County, a personal mentor for transitioning community members, and an expert witness in criminal justice cases involving youth.
Paul has testified at the California State Capitol and helped to defeat legislation that threatened current reforms, has co-authored legislation in his county, and is a member of the Latin X Advisory Committee to Sen. Josh Becker.
Paul co-founded ReEvolution to use his lens of lived experience to help ReEvolution provide meaningful support in prevention efforts, with an emphasis on youth, and person-centered reentry programs for all the transitioning community.
Paul is a motivator and educator and seeks to bring out the full potential in each life he touches.
He is ReEvolutionizing transitional thinking and providing safe spaces for those thoughts to congregate and grow as a community within a community.
Transcript
Hey, Paul. Good morning. Thank you for joining
Unknown:me this morning for the narrative podcast. I really
Unknown:appreciate you being on with me.
Unknown:Yes, good morning to you too. And happy holidays.
Unknown:Thank you so much. I want to circle back to you in
Unknown:particular. But I'd like for you to share what you're doing and
Unknown:the amazing work that you're doing in the community. I came
Unknown:across you from following somebody else on LinkedIn. And
Unknown:they were they commented or did something on your and what your
Unknown:objective is, then we'll circle back to your your background.
Unknown:So yeah, my name is Paul Bocanegra. And some of the work
Unknown:that I'm doing is geared toward juvenile criminal justice
Unknown:reform, as well as the criminal justice system overall, but
Unknown:primarily here in my direct community, I am trying to create
Unknown:a different perspective of youth and their ability to really
Unknown:mature I think that majority of the community has lost contact
Unknown:with the maturation process in youth, as well as the behaviors
Unknown:and thinking that comes with that immaturity. And we've moved
Unknown:to a pretty aggressive punishment model where a youth
Unknown:is no longer allowed to make mistakes, regardless of his
Unknown:upbringing, his trauma, his experiences, his mental illness,
Unknown:the community has moved to be able to really condemn a youth
Unknown:upon making maybe one of the worst decisions that they'll
Unknown:make in their life, with no redemption from that. So my work
Unknown:in the community is geared toward creating an understanding
Unknown:of what youth is primarily youth of under of underserved
Unknown:communities, what they experience, what their life is,
Unknown:like, under the conditions that they may live in their
Unknown:environments, they may live in, what their education is, like,
Unknown:maybe what their biological makeup is, like meaning mental
Unknown:illness, and take these things into consideration when they
Unknown:finally arrive. At finally, unfortunately, but when they do
Unknown:arrive to our juvenile criminal justice system, many of these
Unknown:kids are already extremely traumatized, hurt, undiagnosed,
Unknown:and we should not be condemning them for these decisions that
Unknown:they make, and we should be looking to kind of help them
Unknown:remould their thinking and really connect them with the
Unknown:services that they need to be able to really enter that
Unknown:adulthood with a different form of thinking as well as the
Unknown:treatment that they'll need maybe a diagnosis, maybe
Unknown:medication, maybe therapy, anything alongside anything as
Unknown:an alternative to the current situation that they find
Unknown:themselves in which are adult like cages that we have invested
Unknown:millions and millions of dollars in, that we hold these kids,
Unknown:regardless of their crime, murder, or shoplifting. They all
Unknown:see the same adult like cage in juvenile halls and as well as
Unknown:foster kids. Many juvenile foster kids in their teens are
Unknown:extremely hard to adopt, to have adopted in the community because
Unknown:of the because of the stigma that comes with the terrible
Unknown:teens. And so foster kids also find themselves trapped in these
Unknown:adult like cages, either through transition, or lack of housing,
Unknown:they call it secured detention. And so when we can move to
Unknown:incarcerate a kid, for no reason, it just really leaves me
Unknown:in a hopeless feeling that our juvenile criminal justice system
Unknown:has really
Unknown:evolved into not believing that youth can mature, grow and
Unknown:change. And so my work is geared toward humanizing youth, first
Unknown:and foremost, and then trying to get the community to understand
Unknown:what these youth go through, not only in their communities, in
Unknown:their homes, in their schools, in their churches, but what they
Unknown:go through once they fall into our care what the system is
Unknown:like, what they can expect. And so yeah, that that is some of
Unknown:the work that I am doing. And I am a volunteer for the juvenile
Unknown:criminal justice system here in San Mateo County, where we are
Unknown:the richest county in the state. And if you were to take a look
Unknown:at our adult life cages, we have brought Pelican Bay shoe sales
Unknown:right here to our juvenile hall, and we are labeling that as
Unknown:treatment. And 100% of our youth currently are suffering mental
Unknown:illness and experienced mental lapses. And rather than charging
Unknown:them with extra felonies, I'm trying to help them understand
Unknown:that these are things that we have to expect when you
Unknown:incarcerate a maturing mentally ill mind and giving them an
Unknown:extra felony for acting out is not treatment, putting them in
Unknown:an adult like cage that we have that Charles Manson died in, is
Unknown:not treatment. And so that's some of the work that I am I am
Unknown:doing here in the community alongside of a few other things.
Unknown:I've co founded my reentry program that helps me community
Unknown:build, as well as help the community understand, again,
Unknown:that same youth that was condemned, but that has
Unknown:transitioned back into the community under the guise of a
Unknown:second chance, and also connect people who are obtaining agency
Unknown:adulthood for the first time after being condemned, coming
Unknown:into the community, connecting them with the community. So both
Unknown:have an understanding that we're a village that we are a
Unknown:community that we're there to help, not there to continue to
Unknown:persecute these these returning youth. And so the work that I'm
Unknown:doing here with the youth is I'm preparing them for what to
Unknown:expect in the future, as well as preparing the community, what to
Unknown:expect in the future, once we condemn these youth in their
Unknown:cages, and sentenced them to 25 to live in these adult prisons
Unknown:as his pattern for the last 2030 years.
Unknown:So unlike a lot of people I don't know about I shouldn't say
Unknown:unlike a lot of people, I'm assuming unlike a lot of people
Unknown:who've fallen into our and are chosen this path is a career
Unknown:path or as a way to help people. This is really personal to you.
Unknown:This is this this you were one of these views. Can you tell my
Unknown:listeners give them your background to get a sense of
Unknown:what drives you to be this passionate about this?
Unknown:Sure, absolutely. So like you said, I, I still am one of these
Unknown:youth, right, I'm experiencing the simulation and the
Unknown:transition process. I am as I'm experiencing the barriers, the
Unknown:attitudes, the stigmas that come with transitioning from cage to
Unknown:community. And so it's a it's been very heart breaking, to be
Unknown:so excited that the community has created these reforms that
Unknown:allow kids now to come home after serving 2530 years of
Unknown:incarceration. And then when we get home, we're still these 17
Unknown:year old 16 year olds and in our heads, and then we encounter
Unknown:barriers that are just a we are not prepared for many of us who
Unknown:have been condemned, like myself, and I'll get into that
Unknown:in a minute, have come home and our parents are gone. Like the
Unknown:last time we were here in the community we had we had parents,
Unknown:some of my friends didn't have parents, their parents were
Unknown:older gang members, or addicts, and had their own traumas to
Unknown:deal with. And these youth, many of us come home and the world
Unknown:has changed. It's a digital world today. It's a very
Unknown:personal world where the socialization has dramatically
Unknown:decreased, as opposed to when I was out in the community in
Unknown:1992. And but some of the things that haven't changed are how we
Unknown:treat people who have committed crimes who have made mistakes in
Unknown:the community. And, again, you you mentioned career path. Many
Unknown:of us work coming home, we haven't made a career of crime,
Unknown:we were condemned as kids and and returning home 2530 years
Unknown:later, we come home believing that our debt has been paid. And
Unknown:then we're going to have a fresh start to only encounter that.
Unknown:That we have no support, that you can't enter into a contract
Unknown:at lease that you can't obtain jobs out here in the community.
Unknown:Even though you obtained a degree in prison, you come home
Unknown:and can obtain the same job. I came home I applied for one job
Unknown:on federal grounds. During my job interview, I was told to
Unknown:leave grounds because it was federal property and I was on
Unknown:parole. No one prepared me to go to a job interview being happy.
Unknown:My family I'm on my way to a job interview here in my community
Unknown:and my experiences to be told that I have to leave grounds to
Unknown:go to another job interview and they have police officers in
Unknown:doing the interview would live firearms, the same billy clubs
Unknown:that they used to use on us when we were young, as well as in
Unknown:prison or now in job interviews. I did extremely horrible. So you
Unknown:know let me explain a little of why I'm speaking on this is
Unknown:because I was that condemned youth the age of 17. I'm growing
Unknown:up in a very tight toxic environment in East San Jose,
Unknown:where gangs were, were gangs were the dominant influence
Unknown:their addiction, prostitution, high rates of crime. And being
Unknown:born into a family that had its own internal struggles. My
Unknown:father immigrated from Mexico, my mother was born on a cotton
Unknown:field in Texas. I was raised in a very toxic environment, and
Unknown:experienced lots of trauma. And at the age of, you know, age of
Unknown:1314, I started to hang around with the neighborhood mentors,
Unknown:which were the gangs. And I was provided drugs provided weapons
Unknown:at a very young age. And this is how I was molded.
Unknown:In the community, after receiving trauma, like many of
Unknown:the decisions we make, as kids are fear based, as any kid does
Unknown:to survive, he will do what, whatever he fears, the most, to
Unknown:gain acceptance within people, adults that we expect to have
Unknown:our best interests at hand. And so at the age of 17, I was in a
Unknown:car with two other friends of mines ever gang members, and an
Unknown:adult, shot and killed another adult gang member in the
Unknown:community. And I never had a gun, I never discharged the gun.
Unknown:I never directed this older gentleman to do this. However, I
Unknown:was condemned at the age of 17 to life without parole, plus
Unknown:four years. So I was forcibly emancipated from my parents that
Unknown:lacked in education, their report did not have the
Unknown:economical means to provide or tried to protect their son. And
Unknown:I was turned over to the juvenile criminal justice
Unknown:system, who quickly moved to try me as an adult. And this didn't
Unknown:take an observation this I was never assessed. I was never
Unknown:spoken with to find out if I had a mental illness. It was in to a
Unknown:juvenile fitness hearing, tried as an adult with no witnesses at
Unknown:my trial, my fitness hearing bound over to adult court, where
Unknown:I was condemned very quickly to life without parole. And I
Unknown:really felt that my life was truly over the things that I was
Unknown:told of who I was who I knew I wasn't this evil person, this
Unknown:mastermind. Just,
Unknown:you know, it's 17 years old, at 77 years old,
Unknown:yes, at 17 years old. Just hold that I would die in the cage.
Unknown:For my role in this crime. I had a fifth grade education level,
Unknown:when I was condemned. I didn't comprehend when life without
Unknown:parole meant my public defender was in tears could not explain
Unknown:what had just happened to me. My parents could not understand
Unknown:what had just happened. But I was ushered away in chains. Off
Unknown:to these adult cages that we now have here in juvenile hall, with
Unknown:the worst of the worst, with the worst of the worst. And I met
Unknown:friends there that were like myself, some of my friends never
Unknown:made it out. And just arriving there and stepping into an
Unknown:environment like no other environment you would ever want
Unknown:to step into. Just think about that dark alley. And you see
Unknown:that shadow in that wall on that wall.
Unknown:So I had a I had an experience. It was in my early 20s. I grew
Unknown:up in the Bay Area, not that far from you, but worlds apart from
Unknown:you. I mean, I think that's one of those things about the bay
Unknown:area where there's, there's Silicon Valley and there's other
Unknown:parts of the Bay Area and they couldn't be any more different.
Unknown:And we I grew up in Sunnyvale, we were probably 15 miles apart
Unknown:at that time, but I didn't have any of the same pressures. I
Unknown:didn't have the same environment that you did. When I was in my
Unknown:20s. I played on a softball team. And we would go in a few
Unknown:times a year and play in prisons, we would go in and
Unknown:provide you know, be be there to help in the prison and I went
Unknown:into into Folsom a few times. And I hadn't been accused of
Unknown:anything. I didn't have any kind of a criminal record. I knew
Unknown:that at the end of the day. I was leaving. And it was still
Unknown:the most terrifying thing I've ever done in my life to hear the
Unknown:sound of those bars closing behind you when you get entered
Unknown:in and to have the the briefing from the guard saying you know
Unknown:something goes down here. We're not protecting you, you're here
Unknown:on your own and something could go on. But just that that sound,
Unknown:and it's been 40 years for me from hearing that sound of those
Unknown:doors closing, and I can't imagine, it was terrifying. As I
Unknown:said, when I hadn't done anything, and I knew I was
Unknown:leaving, I can't imagine that sound closing behind you when
Unknown:you know, you're never leaving. And that it's just got to be,
Unknown:and I can't imagine it at 17 years old.
Unknown:Right. So just let me take you back to something that you said,
Unknown:what the guards told you, when you're going in, that they're
Unknown:not going to protect you. They're not there to protect
Unknown:you. And they're not there to protect us kids, when they put
Unknown:us on these maximum security yards with the worst of the
Unknown:worst, some of the disguise have been there 1520 years, extremely
Unknown:manipulative, extremely dangerous, extremely aggressive.
Unknown:And that is what we do to our youth. These are the things that
Unknown:happened to us. And so entering the prison system condemned, it
Unknown:broke me. And it's kind of hard to explain that because I was
Unknown:already broken. When I landed into the juvenile criminal
Unknown:justice systems care, they quickly bound me over to this
Unknown:adult care level and being broken, being sent in here being
Unknown:condemned, broken again, what shattering a what that does to a
Unknown:youthful mind, it basically says everything that you have thought
Unknown:about that you wanted to be everything that you have thought
Unknown:felt is done. And that will never come back for you. And it
Unknown:just sent me off feeling dead inside. And I had felt dead for
Unknown:a long time already. So arriving here, encountering this
Unknown:environment, as a as a troubled and traumatized youth, I did
Unknown:exactly what I did to survive in my toxic environment, the same
Unknown:thing, no other model, there was no treatment model there it was.
Unknown:align yourself with the same people that had conditioned you
Unknown:to be in this situation right now. And with that alignment
Unknown:came, much brutality, being stabbed in prison being beat not
Unknown:only by staff, by by other inmates, gladiator fights,
Unknown:watching suicide, watching rape, observing murder, this is what
Unknown:we do our youth. And then finally, surviving in prison
Unknown:means you have to be violent. And when I went in there, as a
Unknown:dead kid, I told myself, that I wasn't going to be a victim
Unknown:anymore. And I knew what laid ahead for me. But I would just
Unknown:tell myself that I would keep fighting. And that meant
Unknown:everything was on the table. My intentions were, to hopefully
Unknown:die a peaceful life, even though I knew more than likely
Unknown:wouldn't. That's what kids have to tell themselves in there. And
Unknown:so, going in there doing the things that I had to do, they
Unknown:labeled me violent, they labeled me a gang member according to my
Unknown:case, as well as my behaviors in there. And then I was condemned
Unknown:again, to an indeterminant shoe for being involved in gangs in
Unknown:prison. being violent, being everything that it takes to
Unknown:survive in these toxic environments as a kid, they then
Unknown:condemned me for life to solitary confinement at Pelican
Unknown:Bay Shu. And that is the worst of the worst. That's the end of
Unknown:the road. If you've ever been in there, if you've ever read an
Unknown:article on that, if you've ever seen videos on there, you know
Unknown:what goes on there. And I would remain there for over a decade
Unknown:of my life still as a youth maturing, mentally being sensory
Unknown:deprived. Again, feeling hopeless, feeling broken, but
Unknown:still still fighting. You just don't give up. And yeah, over a
Unknown:decade of sensory deprivation, and finally, I decided to leave
Unknown:the game. Too much turmoil, my mother had just died while I was
Unknown:in solitary confinement. And I had I had to make a decision.
Unknown:And so I left the game and began a different assimilation and
Unknown:transition in prison with the same attitude that although I
Unknown:was maturing and making decisions, that everything was
Unknown:always on the table.
Unknown:It it had to be So as I was leaving the game, there was
Unknown:talking in the community of reforming this child predator
Unknown:law that allowed judges to condemn youth that allowed
Unknown:district attorneys to try youth as an adult without even any
Unknown:trial. Because other reforms had come to strengthen and, and
Unknown:reinforce the the hardened laws that existed. They moved further
Unknown:by passing district attorneys have the authority to just try a
Unknown:kid as an adult according to his crime, which is all the time,
Unknown:which is almost almost common practice. And they reformed the
Unknown:law, they said that youth that had been condemned to life
Unknown:without parole to die in these cages would have a chance after
Unknown:serving 25 years or 20 years of their sentence, they would be
Unknown:able to petition the court on my 22nd year at petition the court
Unknown:after this law had passed Senate Bill nine. And the judge saw my
Unknown:change. She read the transcripts, read that my
Unknown:youthful, my hallmarks of youth were not taken into account when
Unknown:I was condemned. And so she made a decision that I was a youth
Unknown:that I was immature, and that I could change and I had taken
Unknown:steps to change. And she followed the law. And she
Unknown:committed my sentence. And so in 2015, I was sentenced to 29 to
Unknown:life, which allowed me to become able to parole. However, I was
Unknown:denied Chrome, because they felt that I still had more work to do
Unknown:on myself. And I went to a program a counseling program
Unknown:back in prison, and an educated myself obtained skills in what I
Unknown:am and what I use today, to do the work that I do. And then I
Unknown:went to board again and was released September 28 2017,
Unknown:after 25 and a half years, I was able to come home, six days
Unknown:prior my father had passed away. So I came home to just my
Unknown:siblings. And and it was it was extremely hard, trying to
Unknown:assimilate again, trying to transition again, with no help.
Unknown:And so I co founded by organization revolution, to try
Unknown:to be that help, because when I came here to San Mateo County,
Unknown:the only ones that reached out to me, were the police
Unknown:department and detectives and Gang Task Force when they came
Unknown:to my house and search my own. That that was my introduction to
Unknown:San Mateo County, being hauled down to this police station
Unknown:stripped down again, having pictures taken of me being
Unknown:threatened about behaviors, past behaviors. So no change, no
Unknown:belief that these kids could change, right. And I'm sitting
Unknown:here in disbelief. thinking, thinking to myself, of
Unknown:everything it took to get to where I'm at. And this is how
Unknown:I'm received threats of the chains and the cages again. And
Unknown:I'm thinking this is no transition. This is no, this is
Unknown:no help from the community. And so when I began to volunteer in
Unknown:the community, I understood that the leaders of our community are
Unknown:not a reflection of the actual community. This community has
Unknown:been wonderful, has been loving, has been compassionate, has been
Unknown:empathetic, and has been extremely supportive. And the
Unknown:reason I'm able to do the things that I do is because community,
Unknown:the community believes in me. And with that help leaders in
Unknown:the community are starting to believe in me as well. And, and
Unknown:listen, they understand that I am those kids right now, today,
Unknown:with all the reforms that have taken place, the 17 year old
Unknown:Paul Bocanegra, the 17 year old, traumatized kid can be condemned
Unknown:again. There is nothing stopping district attorneys and judges
Unknown:from condemning the 17 year olds that exist in our juvenile hall
Unknown:again, and that's why I do what I do because they have no clue
Unknown:of the path that they're about to embark on. And trying to
Unknown:educate them prior to that path or maybe intervening in that
Unknown:path before they start that path. It's it's important to me
Unknown:it's important to me for several reasons is personal. How and and
Unknown:it's personal because it's inhumane that leaders in our
Unknown:community legislators, judges, that district attorneys
Unknown:attorneys that they think that it's, it's okay. We plea
Unknown:bargain. We have the best district attorneys ever highly
Unknown:funded, so well educated. They play they put kids in cages that
Unknown:are mentally ill, and then they plea bargain felonies with them
Unknown:that will destroy their careers for the rest of their life like
Unknown:this is what's taking place. We're no longer waiting for the
Unknown:career criminal. The career criminal is now the juvenile who
Unknown:is mentally ill, who's about to sign a deal with the district
Unknown:attorney to forfeit his career, you'll never be a fire fireman,
Unknown:you'll never be a police officer. Because you'll have a
Unknown:felony. It's tragic. It's absolutely tragic. how far we've
Unknown:come. It's amazing. I mean, youth.
Unknown:It's amazing when I when I hear you and I you know, as somebody
Unknown:who's not close to it, and then I've heard all the terms. You
Unknown:know what warehousing? People, it's even worse than that from
Unknown:what you're describing. It's not just warehousing them, it's
Unknown:warehousing them and taking away all hope from them. You are a
Unknown:story of rehabilitation. When oftentimes I hear you know, the
Unknown:prison system, it's not a rehabilitate, there's no, it's
Unknown:not designed to rehabilitate. It's designed to punish and
Unknown:warehouse and you mentioned, you know, even leaving you kind of
Unknown:cavalierly I think said, I decided to leave the gang. Even
Unknown:that can't be as easy as you just described it, I would
Unknown:imagine that the you've got, you've got these pressures from
Unknown:both sides, you get these pressures from society and from
Unknown:the law, and then you've got this pressure on the gang side.
Unknown:And so you come out. And the police immediately come after
Unknown:you to say, you know, just don't forget who we are. I would
Unknown:imagine that whole process has to be not that different with
Unknown:the gang you're in with those guys as well as coming back and
Unknown:saying, again, not so fast,
Unknown:right? Yeah, no, absolutely. And so what I would how I explained
Unknown:this is, think about this, when you enter a gang you adopt, and
Unknown:you absorb all the gangs, enemies. These are enemies where
Unknown:I had riots with in Folsom, I was in the maximum security
Unknown:Folsom as a youth, having 1000s of enemies and not even know
Unknown:your enemies, when you decide to leave the game. It just adds one
Unknown:more layer to the dangerousness that you've been living your
Unknown:entire life. As a youth being in gangs. I had enemies I didn't
Unknown:even know. And I went to prison and joined a gang. And again, I
Unknown:had all these enemies that I didn't know. In fact, some of my
Unknown:friends that were in juvenile hall with me became my enemies
Unknown:just because of the race, just because of their factions that
Unknown:they had to join. And it is extremely sad. What happens in
Unknown:these toxic environments that you can embrace culture. You can
Unknown:embrace social socialism in there, and I won't I mean,
Unknown:socialism, I'm saying the social aspect that you think about here
Unknown:a Good morning, how are you doing today? Yeah, you know, you
Unknown:want to have a cup of coffee today. That doesn't happen. And
Unknown:in their life,
Unknown:you have to be segmented right? The black guys and the Hispanic
Unknown:guys and the whites of skinheads are white supremacists. And
Unknown:right, it is
Unknown:extremely segregated. And the fact that many of us youth in
Unknown:born in these environments, we don't encounter, we don't know
Unknown:what a white supremacist is. But when when you enter this toxic
Unknown:environment, you're giving a quick lesson of who they are.
Unknown:And you think, wow, but I know him, he's he was raised with
Unknown:Mexicans, you can't be surprised. They say, you know,
Unknown:he's a supremacist now. And it's disbelief. I had friends that
Unknown:were Jewish, that were tattooing swastikas on themselves, because
Unknown:you can't be who you really are. And there you have to adopt
Unknown:this,
Unknown:they do that for their own protection, right. That's the
Unknown:way the only way they're going to survive is to assimilate to
Unknown:that
Unknown:you have to assimilate into something you know nothing
Unknown:about, but that's going to be toxic in ways that you don't
Unknown:believe. And then when you attempt to simulate that, that
Unknown:there's more threats of violence and another type of philosophy
Unknown:and ideology you have to embrace that you know, nothing of that.
Unknown:And so it's been an assimilation and transition for myself
Unknown:throughout my life. And my my, my leaving the game has only
Unknown:enabled me to do the things that I'm doing today. And I harbor no
Unknown:ill will towards anyone I speak bad and no one because I'm still
Unknown:alive. that gang that took me in and and toxified my life as a
Unknown:youth took me in, in this environment that we just
Unknown:described, and taught me how to survive there. And it was
Unknown:difficult the Stockholm Syndrome like, we don't you realize the
Unknown:Stockholm syndrome in this situation, because we're
Unknown:criminals, right? We're the worst of the worst. But that's
Unknown:what takes place. As a kid growing up in these institutions
Unknown:under those conditions, the Stockholm Syndrome, kicks in.
Unknown:Classical conditioning is always that play from the second they
Unknown:put the chains on you, and they put you in that cage. That's
Unknown:what you're going to adapt to. That's what's going to be your
Unknown:bar in life as a kid path off and scanners that play from the
Unknown:beginning to the end. And understanding finally, what you
Unknown:had been conditioned to accept your three meals a day, that
Unknown:warm bed, right? That cage, your family, your friends that are
Unknown:there, when kids are grown up, to adapt, and assimilate into
Unknown:that, and you don't show them anything else to assimilate
Unknown:into. That is what they come home with. And it's our job to
Unknown:be able to recognize this and want to help this youth because
Unknown:they're still best 17 year old we condemn. Yeah. And that's not
Unknown:how it happens. And that's why I worked so hard to try to make
Unknown:that happen. So number one, we don't condemn the youth. And
Unknown:when we understand them, when they come home, we still have an
Unknown:understanding. And there's also the spectrum. But we helped him
Unknown:when he was 15 1617. Then he was sent to prison 10 years, where
Unknown:did you spend his 10 years because this is in
Unknown:rehabilitation, what we're seeing. And so that's why I
Unknown:enjoy doing the work that I'm doing. And I'm so passionate
Unknown:about it, because I'm fighting for myself, I'm and I'm still
Unknown:fighting for the adult me now, trying to bake break the
Unknown:barriers that that change is impossible, that I'm not who the
Unknown:judge said I was. That's not That's not who's here today
Unknown:having this conversation that was 17 year old mean, there's
Unknown:something called maturation that takes that takes place. And this
Unknown:is the adult me that's doing what I'm doing today that 17
Unknown:year old that was condemned, that that was told that he would
Unknown:never do anything with himself that he was evil, is now the
Unknown:complete opposite. And I have to give things to my higher power,
Unknown:because there were situations that I shouldn't have walked
Unknown:away from that, that that I was able to walk away from and in
Unknown:walking away from them, I think back now and I think like holy
Unknown:snaps. Although I had walked away from God, because I was
Unknown:about to engage in things that I knew were not God like that is
Unknown:what was a safety net. For me, that just quiet voice that never
Unknown:went away. That's the voice that I leaned on, when I came home.
Unknown:And it's made my transition so much better to be able to be
Unknown:spiritual to be all the things that a human being is that I
Unknown:couldn't be in there. Because it would have been
Unknown:a sign of weakness by everyone, not just like the gang culture
Unknown:by everyone, even law enforcement themselves. And I
Unknown:have to just reiterate what you said, what they tell you a grown
Unknown:adult, we're not here to protect you. If something goes down,
Unknown:man, hey, we're not here to protect you. That's what they
Unknown:tell us kids when we're walking in there. And you know what? The
Unknown:Right? I've watched them sit back. I've watched them engage.
Unknown:And in gladiator fights, I watch and sit back and just know that
Unknown:someone's going to be harmed. And they're okay with this. So
Unknown:as long as it's not themselves, what they tell you is what they
Unknown:tell us. And this is why I do the work. Because if I'm not
Unknown:doing this work, people aren't going to be aware of the work
Unknown:that needs to be done. And so that's all I'm doing is just
Unknown:highlighting the things that need to be done. And I'm gaining
Unknown:a little bit of momentum and people are starting to
Unknown:understand like, wow, we can learn from lived experience. He
Unknown:doesn't need a Stanford master's degree, right? Because many of
Unknown:these institutions are the ones who built the institutions that
Unknown:I was raised in that I had to survive. And so now I come home
Unknown:to these institutions and educate them on their, on their
Unknown:on their practice of law, their understanding of treatment
Unknown:models that are not treatment. After all, and they're
Unknown:listening, right, there's many social justice groups and
Unknown:classes that are taking place now in colleges, and so they're
Unknown:starting to listen more however, it's not happening quick enough
Unknown:for us to intervene with this prison pipeline that we have in
Unknown:schools, straight to prison, as I was a victim of, however,
Unknown:there's no pipeline from Stanford, to Pelican Bay. But
Unknown:there's a pipeline from Sequoia High School to Pelican Bay. And
Unknown:that just doesn't make any sense to me. And that's why I'm
Unknown:passionate about what I do.
Unknown:You mentioned the difference in how youth are socialized today.
Unknown:And so you know, I'm a parent, but my kids are older now. But
Unknown:and my kids, I was lucky enough that when my kids were younger,
Unknown:it was before the social media world existed, cellphones and
Unknown:things just in there wasn't the same things that they're,
Unknown:they're not that much older. But they're old enough to have
Unknown:missed that. But I've got to imagine that just to two sides.
Unknown:One is all of those things and those pressures on top of the
Unknown:rest of the pressures that you described. And you don't really
Unknown:learn interpersonal skills, because you're doing everything
Unknown:via texting or whatever it is. And then there's got to be a
Unknown:corollary to that. If you are incarcerated, like you were,
Unknown:like, those things didn't exist when you were in prison, and
Unknown:then you come out. And the world is a vastly different world. So
Unknown:you're starting from a deficit perspective from day one,
Unknown:because you're in a different world than the one you lived in
Unknown:before you're incarcerated?
Unknown:Yes, yeah. 1992, we had the cordless phones, if you had a
Unknown:cordless phone, you were doing big things. If you had a pager,
Unknown:you were doing big things. When I cut when I came home, it just,
Unknown:we have televisions in cars, now you have screens on cars that
Unknown:take you wherever you want to go that talk to you that that they
Unknown:speak back to you actually, when you speak to it, it speaks back.
Unknown:You see people being able to pay to go to space now. However, a
Unknown:lot of the social skills have deteriorated, as well as, as
Unknown:well as have been amplified, right, because I'm able to meet
Unknown:you right now and hang out with you, without having to drive to
Unknown:wherever you're located. I'm able to meet with people in
Unknown:Africa, in Europe, and have the same conversation about juvenile
Unknown:criminal justice, reform, and be impactful in another continent,
Unknown:because of technology. So technology has really allowed me
Unknown:to assimilate and transition a little more easy because I'm
Unknown:able to connect with people that have had similar experiences
Unknown:without having to go drive to another county to look for them.
Unknown:They're right here at our doorstep. However, the other
Unknown:side of it of it is the etiquette, the there the
Unknown:etiquette has drastically changed. There's no if you're
Unknown:not on Zune, you don't talk to anybody in the community,
Unknown:everyone is in their phones. People don't say excuse me,
Unknown:people don't say good morning, people are shocked. I see the
Unknown:reaction was a good morning, happy holidays, I see the
Unknown:reaction, some people. And then in some people, they ever lift
Unknown:their head up, they're just in their phone, on
Unknown:top of we had a pandemic, right. I mean, that's like another
Unknown:wrench thrown in the whole thing of it's even worse, where people
Unknown:are all isolated, even people who aren't incarcerated, we're
Unknown:all isolated at least. And this then adds on to that whole
Unknown:thing.
Unknown:Yeah. And you know, I actually facilitated for an organization
Unknown:on on the ripple effect, but on the things that you can do to
Unknown:keep yourself busy, like some of the same things I used to do in
Unknown:my cage, to keep myself busy, I share with community members out
Unknown:here on exercising on reading books, learning more about
Unknown:social justice, having a pet, what is it like to care for a
Unknown:pet, a garden, becoming more intimate with your wife, your
Unknown:kids. But then there's the flipside, if you were in a toxic
Unknown:environment, and the only reason you're able to coexist was
Unknown:because eight hours of the day you were both sending or maybe
Unknown:like most families commute an hour or two, on top of that,
Unknown:apart from each other, and suddenly, you're there 24/7 with
Unknown:each other, you realize you really aren't that compatible,
Unknown:compatible, and the things that were keeping you together are
Unknown:now the things that are driving you apart. And so people are
Unknown:also being harmed. So the pandemic has been, has been a
Unknown:way to connect with people through social media, but has
Unknown:also been away a toxic way for people who aren't living through
Unknown:social media and are living together in a household so three
Unknown:families sharing a house in order to make to be able to live
Unknown:in the Bay Area. Suddenly that's not possible because 24 711
Unknown:people and what a two bedroom home is not gonna it's not going
Unknown:to work well. And so there's that deterioration of human
Unknown:contact as a result of the pandemic, then you have those of
Unknown:us who are transitioning from cage to community, many of my
Unknown:friends, desperate to taste life, have to now isolate have
Unknown:to shelter in place. And they felt many of my friends feel
Unknown:cheated, that they have to transition in a pandemic, once
Unknown:again, they feel well, this is my luck. And I explained to
Unknown:them, it's not your luck, there's so many cool things that
Unknown:you're gonna be able to adapt into, even during the pandemic
Unknown:like this, this conversation that we're having today. And
Unknown:these are the things that they haven't realized yet that they
Unknown:will begin to realize, but it takes people like ourselves to
Unknown:help them realize that these portals exist, to be able to
Unknown:still tap into, you could still go out and socialize. But
Unknown:unfortunately, you have to do that with a mask for now. Yeah.
Unknown:And being a part of the community, I pray and pray to be
Unknown:a part of the community again. And finally, I'm a part of the
Unknown:community again, and they say sheltering place. At first, it
Unknown:was like, Oh, well, that's not cool. And then it was suddenly
Unknown:like, hey, you know what, my community is sheltering in
Unknown:place. I want to be a part of the community. So I'm going to
Unknown:shelter in place, and I'm going to be happy to shelter in place,
Unknown:my community wants to be wants everyone to be vaccinated,
Unknown:because it makes the community safer. I'm going to get
Unknown:vaccinated, because I'm a part of the community. I'm a part of
Unknown:the fabric now. So it's just like stopping at a red light,
Unknown:right? The community stops at a red light stop at a red light,
Unknown:right? You're not, you're not driving right through a red
Unknown:light. These are the things that we've learned that makes us
Unknown:safer, that makes us able to coexist in the manner that we
Unknown:are. And so I
Unknown:think you probably have, you probably have a perspective to
Unknown:that just a different perspective. You know, there's
Unknown:there's, there's so many people out there screaming about the
Unknown:things that you were just describing wearing a mask
Unknown:getting vaccinated saying you're taking away my rights, they have
Unknown:no idea what taking away their rights really are not in the way
Unknown:you understand what having your rights taken away, really are,
Unknown:you know, being put in a cage, being shackled, being thrown
Unknown:into violence every day, being put in solitary for 12 years.
Unknown:Like that's taking away your rights. Now, whether you earned
Unknown:it or not, whether you deserve that or not, that's a whole
Unknown:different thing. And I'm sure some people who have had that
Unknown:happen, probably do really deserve that. I don't know that
Unknown:anybody deserves that. But but you know what I mean, but
Unknown:there's a very, that's a very different thing than saying I'm
Unknown:going to take a shot because it's the way to keep my
Unknown:community safe and safe. That's that's a different
Unknown:world. Correct? Correct? Absolutely. When they say you're
Unknown:infringing on my rights, exactly how you put it is, I think,
Unknown:like, wow, they've never been chained up to a metal chair, in
Unknown:a in a concrete and still sell and not be able to leave that
Unknown:chair change like an animal. Like I have my beautiful German
Unknown:Shepherds, they have never seen the inside of a cage. And I It
Unknown:hurts me when I put them on a leash because I like to walk
Unknown:with them in the neighborhood. But again, there's rules.
Unknown:There's rules in the neighborhood. And so I was
Unknown:chained to a chair overnight, at times in my underwear, cold,
Unknown:nowhere to go, no one to scream for like if you would have
Unknown:screamed, nobody would have heard you. And this is what our
Unknown:government does to us. So when my government says a medicine
Unknown:says that the vaccination is the healthiest way to protect
Unknown:yourselves and protect your community make the community
Unknown:safer. I'm all in. I'm all in. And so I'm like that with my
Unknown:friends. You have some that resist, right? Some, some are
Unknown:paranoid because of history, right, like eugenics. We know
Unknown:what has happened in history. But I found myself being
Unknown:incarcerated 25 and a half years, being forced to eat the
Unknown:things that they made me hate being forced to be vaccinated in
Unknown:their tuberculosis if you they're going to come and get
Unknown:your TB test. We might as well outlaw TB testing as well. If
Unknown:you're not going to get vaccinated, like these are the
Unknown:things that are going on today. These these practices have been
Unknown:on since been going on for for hundreds of years in communities
Unknown:right? Today. This is the book bionic play. This is our bionic
Unknown:leg, the corona COVID-19 tuberculosis, this is how you
Unknown:fight tuberculosis. This is why you get tested every April for
Unknown:tuberculosis. And if there's something wrong, you get
Unknown:medication. This is it. This is we're doing this again. So it's
Unknown:not something that we haven't been doing. However it's been
Unknown:it's been utilized, I think for political reasons. And I think
Unknown:that's where people are able to to gather the strength to say no
Unknown:No, I'm not gonna do it. And this is this is serious. This is
Unknown:just like tuberculosis. If you don't believe in this, you don't
Unknown:believe in tuberculosis, right? Why even get tested for
Unknown:tuberculosis?
Unknown:So, um, a couple of questions for you before, before I let you
Unknown:go well for and then I want you to circle back and talk about
Unknown:revolution and what you're doing and just how people might be
Unknown:able to help. But before we do that, so, the first one is,
Unknown:what's what's your proudest moment?
Unknown:Hmm. Wow, that's a hard one, because that every
Unknown:accomplishment is, is that proud moment, like, just, but I think
Unknown:I would say the proudest moment, for me probably has to be to be
Unknown:baptized, and be confirmed by my church. Because when you have no
Unknown:one, as as a human being, when you're chained up to this chair,
Unknown:you have absolutely no one to speak to, right. And so you
Unknown:speak to who you know, is listening. And so the spiritual
Unknown:connection, this love that I developed as a kid for God
Unknown:suddenly was in play again. Out of desperation, right, wanting
Unknown:to communicate, being able to use your tongue, your voice, and
Unknown:having that dialogue, right, this is a very serious
Unknown:environment where you do very little talking, and you're
Unknown:utilizing all of your other senses of smell, your senses,
Unknown:your sense of, of hearing, your your your sense of sight, but
Unknown:your tongue is normally closed. There. So that dialogue. It
Unknown:always happened, it always happened with my my higher power
Unknown:with God. Some times it was positive, sometimes it was
Unknown:negative. And I have to say that when I came home, my wife, she's
Unknown:Irish Catholic, and she's grown up in the church. And that's
Unknown:what I was, I was a Mexican American Catholic, baptized in
Unknown:the church, a decision made by my parents. Right after I was
Unknown:born, that I would be touched by God, and put on that path. And
Unknown:then I strayed from it for a long time, I strayed from it for
Unknown:a long time, and coming home. Engaging in that quiet dialogue,
Unknown:again, a different conversation. Because different, you know,
Unknown:being under the stars at night, watching the moon, from my
Unknown:porch, with a glass of a glass of milk or hot chocolate, with
Unknown:my German Shepherd sitting next to me, the dialogue is
Unknown:different. And I started to have those dialogues again, being
Unknown:introduced to that. And when I was finally confirmed, and then
Unknown:married in the church, being able to sit down with a priest
Unknown:and, and really let things out. Just gave me a fresh start. I
Unknown:sat there with with, with another man that was there in
Unknown:human form, to listen. Like I had imagined, in that cage
Unknown:chained up to the chair. And it was a different dialogue. But
Unknown:this time, it was a different environment. And it was like a
Unknown:sign, let me know like, remember what you used to think. Remember
Unknown:what you thought. Remember how you felt? You have no excuse
Unknown:anymore here. Here it is. And I think realizing that was my
Unknown:greatest moment because I launched right after that. I
Unknown:launched and I went, I went harden up with my assimilation
Unknown:with my transition, knowing that that spiritual connection wasn't
Unknown:in fact, always there. It was something that I was there, but
Unknown:man, man will make you think that it's not. And they made me
Unknown:feel and made me think like it wasn't for a long time. And, and
Unknown:when I finally had that dialogue again, and it was a serious
Unknown:dialogue, it was a I was able to leave it there at the Church of
Unknown:Nativity, where I'm a member at and That's where he remains. But
Unknown:that's a where else would get my energy to be able to re
Unknown:traumatize myself every single time talking about these things,
Unknown:for the betterment of the next generation that's coming up in
Unknown:the chain in the cages. And that's why I'm so passionate.
Unknown:But I will say that was my proudest moment, is, is
Unknown:reconnecting with a dialogue and realizing that
Unknown:that there was a different, there was a different way of
Unknown:life, that the life is different. And so those
Unknown:conversations have completely changed. And there, there's the
Unknown:day, they're still they're different. Now. It's like, wow,
Unknown:when you think when you think you know, life, when you think
Unknown:like, when back when man, policy law, whatever it is, makes you
Unknown:finally feel like, Shit, this is life right here, you're gonna
Unknown:get a curveball at some point, you just have to recognize, you
Unknown:have to recognize it. And I've recognized it and I revel in it
Unknown:every day that I wake up, I have to commute from Redwood City at
Unknown:open because I can't find a job in my county. Believe me, I
Unknown:torture myself with that too at scenic view, as I drive on to
Unknown:the manmade engineering miracle, that bay bridge that was created
Unknown:the safest place to be on during an earthquake here in the Bay
Unknown:Area. I revel in that, rather than complaining about it. I
Unknown:come home to my wife, my dogs, some people dread coming home. I
Unknown:revel, I revel in it when I'm here. My wife is in the other
Unknown:room working from home right now. And I just love my life
Unknown:today. I think that I love my community, just as much as I
Unknown:love God, because it's gonna take a community to make this a
Unknown:success. And right here in San Mateo County community is making
Unknown:it a success. And now I'm working with all of the criminal
Unknown:justice system here, the district attorney, the chief of
Unknown:probation, Superior Court Judge private Defender's Office, to
Unknown:create a space that is treatment based rather than punishment
Unknown:based, we're creating an alternative to the chain in
Unknown:cages, we understand that we can't punish mental illness out
Unknown:of a kid, we can't punish complex trauma out of a kid, we
Unknown:can't punish addiction out of a kid, it's a disease. So we're
Unknown:going to create a space now that provides treatment for these
Unknown:diseases we understand now. And they have been open to
Unknown:listening. And that's why that we we've come to this
Unknown:understanding as human beings as adults now that we we can't be
Unknown:so quick to condemn our kids, we have to give them the space if
Unknown:they don't have that space in the community. It's our job to
Unknown:provide that space. And that's where I'm geared toward. But
Unknown:that was that was a great question.
Unknown:So I'm on those along those lines, who inspires you?
Unknown:Oh, wow, I have so many. So many people who inspire me, I have so
Unknown:many mentors in life. But the one that I believe inspires me
Unknown:the most is my wife because she was with me, 17 years of those
Unknown:25 and a half years when I met her while in prison, and 17
Unknown:years, she would come to visit me and see me completely
Unknown:different than every other human being would see me there. And
Unknown:when I when I came home she doesn't see me any different she
Unknown:still sees me exactly the same way just in different clothes
Unknown:without chains without can cups. I mean, and her her struggle has
Unknown:also been a struggle. Just like every other person out here in
Unknown:the community has struggle. But the inspiration comes from the
Unknown:unconditional love, aside from my mom and my dad, I that I
Unknown:received that I have felt from her. These these 19 years 20
Unknown:years that we are are on it that's inspirational, that
Unknown:unconditional love does exist. And again, that's part of my
Unknown:dialogue. With with my with my higher power with God is is when
Unknown:you think you know something you really don't you just have to be
Unknown:open to to see that opportunity coming upon you. And also,
Unknown:always being prepared, doing your best to be prepared to
Unknown:capitalize on opportunities. So that means brush your teeth
Unknown:every day. combing your hair every day. And and look at life
Unknown:as you want life to look at you and just be prepared for that
Unknown:opportunity it'll come mind has come what I thought I was doing
Unknown:when I was leaking blood in prison, when I was getting beat
Unknown:by clubs, when I was being forced to engage in gladiator
Unknown:fights. I didn't see these operate, I couldn't see the
Unknown:opportunities, I was too busy trying to stay alive. And today
Unknown:I could see him and, and I'm more prepared than ever to
Unknown:capitalize on any opportunity that crosses my trajectory
Unknown:today.
Unknown:That's awesome. Um, how can people help? My listeners
Unknown:probably would love to know now after listening ways that they
Unknown:can help your mission? Well,
Unknown:again, I don't get paid for doing this work. So I have to
Unknown:raise money to keep my organization alive. My
Unknown:organization I have. It's here in San Mateo County. And I need
Unknown:any support I can get this money is just invested into the work
Unknown:that I'm already doing. Whether I get the help I need or I don't
Unknown:I do this work voluntarily. It's going to happen. And that is the
Unknown:the biggest way a 501 C three can can exist can stay alive.
Unknown:The other thing is get involved with juvenile criminal justice
Unknown:reform. figure out who's your chief of probation? Who's your
Unknown:district attorney? Who's your sheriff? What are their
Unknown:policies? Do we obliterate families? Do we deport the
Unknown:breadwinner and leave kids into the foster system? Are we trying
Unknown:kids as adults? Are we condemning kids? Are we plea
Unknown:bargaining with mentally ill kids that we put in cages that
Unknown:are desperate? That will sign in the piece of paper to get out of
Unknown:that cage? Are we providing mental health services to these
Unknown:kids? Are our kids here in the foster system? Our kids are
Unknown:beyond our county lines? Why do they have to be beyond the
Unknown:county lines, bring them home? Let's invest. This is part of
Unknown:the investment. So this is how you can help me by getting in
Unknown:contact with me getting in contact with your community
Unknown:leaders and finding out how are your youth being treated? Even
Unknown:the ones that commit horrible offenses. Ask why? This
Unknown:Rittenhouse kid, 17 years old, demonized, no one has yet asked
Unknown:how did he get in semi automatic weapon? How why was he raised to
Unknown:think that that was okay. He hasn't even dealt with the
Unknown:impact of what it's like to take the life or to lose somebody, he
Unknown:hasn't really felt that yet. And it's going to hit him, it's
Unknown:going to hit him he hasn't matured that impulsivity is
Unknown:there right now. But it's going to set him. And when you realize
Unknown:how damaging a human being can get you, you either are going to
Unknown:do the work on yourself to change or you're going to start
Unknown:giving back and support your community support your youth.
Unknown:Look me up revolution. I'm on LinkedIn, I am on Facebook, I am
Unknown:on Instagram, I'm on Twitter, support. Get involved in if you
Unknown:need help getting involved, please reach out to me, I am
Unknown:more than willing, I stretched myself very thin to get the job
Unknown:done. But I think we are in a state of emergency when it comes
Unknown:to humanizing youth, we have to move quicker to intervene in the
Unknown:pipeline that exists to prison. Again, we don't have a pipeline
Unknown:from Stanford or Harvard. But we have one from our high schools.
Unknown:It doesn't make any sense. We we have to do more to get more
Unknown:involved. And I look forward to any type of help or feedback
Unknown:that I can get. That would make me not only a better person, but
Unknown:better prepared to continue to deal with the criminal justice
Unknown:system as I delve deeper into the layers of it, because now
Unknown:I've got people's attention, people are listening. And any
Unknown:type of empowerment that I received from the community only
Unknown:enables me to push harder for the things that I want to do.
Unknown:Great. Thank you so much for joining me today. I really
Unknown:appreciate it and good luck and Godspeed to you.
Unknown:Thank you so much for this opportunity. God bless. Happy
Unknown:Holidays to everyone and get vaccinated